The best thing about having something wrong with your head is getting to keep your pants on during an MRI. Because it is necessary to only capture images of the brain, the technician leaves half of your body outside the MRI tunnel of mystery. This also allows you to look down and out into the room, lessening any feelings of anxiety or claustrophobia. As the insanely loud noises of the MRI, caused by who knows what, signaled impending doom, at least I could wiggle my freezing toes to make sure I was still alive.
While getting my third, and final, MRI today, I thought of these things. I thought of the good. And I thought of the bad. I thought of the journey that brought me into that room with the super nice technician freaking me out. This man has seen the images of my brain, its soft tissue, and blood vessels. If there is something obviously wrong with me, he is well aware of it. Surely he is being so nice because he knows I am going to get some very bad news tomorrow.
Yeah, it crossed my mind that there could be something bad going on up there in my head. But I know deep down that there isn’t. I have dealt with severe chronic headaches since my sophomore year of high school. The indescribable pain makes me cry sometimes and curse most times. Other symptoms include not being able to talk, irritability, sensitivity to light and noise, sadness, and the occasional and strange situation called aura, in which bright light surrounds me and I cannot see out of it. The lingering and unanswered question of why does this happen to me? is almost as unbearable as everything physical.
Most who are unluckily plagued likely feel the same. In some cases the doctor can figure out why a person gets headaches. And sometimes the person can prevent them from coming by adjusting their lifestyle. Avoid eating tomatoes, chocolate, MSG, and perhaps dairy. Exercise more. Pay attention to your menstrual cycle. Try controlling your stress. But in the end, humans have not yet found what causes headaches or how to cure them.
At the risk of sounding pretentious, I am damn healthy. And I have never found a “trigger” food. I was stressed as hell during high school (obviously not due to a rigorous work load. In Spanish class we watched Friday and Next Friday, in English). Once I went to college, I was away from the sources of my stress, and it left, but the headaches stayed. For the first few years they were tension-type, then morphed into migraines, and are currently exertion headaches.
I’ve tried everything. Muscle relaxers, which were awesome especially when mixed with red wine, only numbed the pain but did not fix it. Chiropractic care did nothing. A low dose antidepressant, which has been shown to help some, actually did help, but I didn’t feel myself. Vicodin, same as the muscle relaxers. Acupuncture twice a week for four weeks along with Chinese herbs worked well but did not last. I didn’t notice a difference from taking the herb Feverfew or magnesium supplements. Sometimes ibuprofen can help once I already have a headache, but I worry about my liver, which has been through so much already.
The previous MRIs were normal. But the last one was two years ago and did not include contrast. So I went today, despite my self-assurance that I am unfortunately fine, and had an MRI, MRI with contrast, and an MRA, which takes a closer look at the blood vessels in the brain. The procedure did not hurt, but the $1,002.00 that I had to pay was a blow to my savings. And strange as I have health insurance under two healthcare plans.
My doctor, who I am lucky to have found, is Indian and intelligent and open minded. He will call me tomorrow with the results. They will be normal, I am quite sure. But I wish that something were wrong. Something minor, not life-threatening. Something that would enable Dr. Mandalapu to tell me what I need to hear–why this immense pain shoots into my head so often. Why I have a disease with no name. Why I can stop searching.
